If i come over, it means nothing
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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