I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
