I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
