omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
