Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
