What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
