Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
