Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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