i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
