So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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