So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
