Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
