shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize