Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
