I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
