My liver just broke up with me...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
