Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
