so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
