He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Girls should come with a carfax report
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
