so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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