Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
