Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
