Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
