I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
