Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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