I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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