Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
