Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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