Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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