So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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