i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
