I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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