i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
