My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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