just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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