I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it because I queefed?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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