let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
