I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
