I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
