ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
