I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
