I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
