No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
