You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
