Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
