My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
