i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm too high and old for this...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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