Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
