So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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