I skipped work to stalk him.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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