Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
