My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he fucked my hip out of place.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize