Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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