Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
