Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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