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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
