She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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