Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
