saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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