I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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