Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
