i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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