saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
