you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
