That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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